This week I lost 1lb, adhering to the pattern of a bigger loss followed by a smaller one.
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I was sort of expecting a smaller loss so I don't feel too bad about this at all. It's a pound in the right direction, so that's definitely a good thing!
Last week's positivity has crept into this week too and I've finally started exercising. It's nothing major at all as I'm still finding the process of even looking into all the options completely overwhelming and ridiculously confusing. I decided that I was better off doing something - no matter how small - while simultaneously sorting out a plan of attack, so last weekend I downloaded the 30 Day Squat/Ab/Push Up apps on my phone and started them on December 1st. For someone who hasn't exercised in any capacity beyond walking occasionally instead of taking the tube for the past 3 years it's been a bit of a shock to the system, but I've been forcing myself to do all the challenges each evening and I'm getting a real sense of satisfaction being able to tick them off each day. It's something rather than nothing, and hopefully if I can stick to them for 30 days then starting a more comprehensive plan in January won't seem quite so daunting.
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I've mentioned it before, but Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I'm starting to plan for a few days off from LighterLife over Christmas, and I think if I make a point of planning it properly now then I shouldn't slip up and lapse outside of the preplanned meals. I'm absolutely terrified of conventional food and if I can actually trust myself around it. When I'm in a strong mindset it's not a problem at all, but if something comes out of the blue and knocks me for six then all willpower is lost. I lapsed today during a massive meltdown dealing with the consequences of a corrupted SD card and the loss of 4 days worth of photography. It doesn't sound like much - and for most people it wouldn't really matter at all - but I take my photos so seriously and invest so much time and effort into baking for my blog that losing so much work is just devastating for me. Before I knew what was happening I'd lapsed. I'd be annoyed at myself but I'm just too upset to really function properly at the moment.
I'm drinking enough water to fill the English Channel in an effort to flush out the lapse and cleanse myself of the moment. What's done is done, and a couple of hours later and in a more level-headed state of mind I've got a grip over my willpower again. These scenarios scare me so much as even with all the progress I've made I clearly still have a default setting that in times of extreme stress I move to almost on auto-pilot. Being back in Cheshire might be frustrating at times but my stress levels are a million times lower than they were at university so there have been significantly less opportunities for me to test my subconscious reactions to times of heightened negative emotion. It turns out I might be 4 stone lighter and in a completely different state of mind with regards to food, but if I'm not 100% focused it all goes to pot and my head's back at square one. Balls.
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I'm going to have a Toy Story marathon to cheer myself up (progress: happiness no longer automatically lies at the bottom of a packet of biscuits…). Looks like I've got a play date with destiny.
WEEK 23 LOSS: 1lb
TOTAL LOSS: 60.5lbs // 4st 4.5lbs
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