I still haven't sorted myself out. This indecision is making for a series of increasingly boring posts, but I can't seem to do anything about it. I now have a much clearer idea in my head of exactly where I'd like to go with all of this, I just can't make my mind up as to how I'm going to get there. Having a vague plan of attack and clearer goals once more has really helped to calm me down, but I'm still slightly panicky because I'm doing nothing about it! I've fallen into old habits with procrastination, and if I'm not careful the next thing I know I'll be writing about Christmas and being no closer to my goals than I am today. I don't want to waste the last few months of 2015 by being as ludicrously unproductive transformation-wise as I am now.
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This week I sort of came to the conclusion that I'll never be slim, and that's okay. Maybe I'm not meant to be petite? However, that doesn't mean I should resign myself to a life of being overweight either. Just because I'm happier now than I was a year ago doesn't mean this is as good as it's ever going to get, and while so many things are easier, better and more comfortable having lost a chunk of weight, I still have a sinking feeling that it could be an awful lot better than it is now. That's not to say I would automatically look better because I would be thinner, but rather that I would feel better, and that's what matters. I would love to be smaller than I am now, and I'd definitely like to be more toned with significantly increased fitness levels. Surely that's not too much of an unachievable dream as long as I put the effort in to working towards it?!
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My main issue is that I'm horrendously impatient. While I'll procrastinate till the cows come home on a daily basis, there are certain situations where I find it impossible to wait and be patient. Weight loss is one of them. I've tried my hardest over the last year to fight this incessant need to be finished yesterday - health be damned - and just accept that my body will change at what ever rate it's comfortable at. I've held my tongue on the weeks when nothing's happened and serenely chose to trust the process, but it's becoming increasingly difficult once again. It's incredibly hypocritical of me to expect immediate change and be angry when it doesn't occur, particularly as I'm not taking the necessary steps to make it a reality, but still... If being irrationally frustrated pushes me forwards then it can't be a bad thing! I can't fight this part of me, and I'm really, really hating that it's taking so long. I'm not entirely sure if I have the willpower to embark on a long-term weight loss plan right now even though it's probably the best option. Ideally I'd like to drop the rest of the weight as quickly as possible, and if that means considering LighterLife again (or something similar) then at this moment in time I'm all ears.
I think the best option would be to push on and actually start Cycle 2 of the 90 Day SSS and see how that goes while I work out a plan? Putting off everything has to stop! Plus, even if nothing happens with that at least I can say I gave it my all, rather than solely crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. No-one ever said this was going to be easy. Most importantly, I desperately need to stop wishing that my Fairy Godmother would turn up, wave her magic wand and everything would slot into place. As much as I wish I was, I'm not living in a fairytale, and if I want magical things to happen I have to work for them. It's time to behave like Cinderella, and have courage (and be kind, obviously!).
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