However, I'm hoping it'll be a bigger post anyway as it'll mark exactly one year since I started doing these posts and I think that deserves the usual (if not more) care and attention that I try to devote to these every Tuesday!
Over the last week I've really loosened the reigns with food and for the first time in months I can actually feel it. It may make no sense, but I feel a little fluffy round the edges, I'm ever so slightly sluggish and I really don't think I'm on to a winning streak. I'm putting this down to the fact that it was my birthday this week.
(GIF SOURCED FROM www.buzzfeed.com)
You know when you decide to start a diet on Monday and then convince yourself that in the time leading up to then, you have to eat absolutely everything in the house to remove any and all temptation? That's because on Monday you're going to behave like an angel and it's not worth the risk of having anything remotely naughty within arms' reach in case it derails your willpower. I've done this a hundred times before, eating everything in sight to the point of feeling physically sick (only it normally incorporated a binge too not merely emptying the cupboards), but come Monday the stars didn't align or it was a green moon not a blue one and I always resigned myself to another seven days of 'last meal' food before starting afresh. It's not rocket science to see why I really ballooned in the couple of months before I started this. I thought I'd broken that habit - and to a large extent I have - but a part of me kept saying that after my birthday I'll be so, so good, so if I want to eat something that's been on my unofficial 'forbidden' list over the last year then now was the time to do it. Come the 21st June I would be the model pupil once more so I only had a tiny window to be 'bad'.
While I may not have binged (yay me!) I have snuck the odd thing here and there, and I feel much worse off for it. As I said before, I feel less svelte and I definitely don't feel like myself. However, I'm willing to temporarily deal with that as I made the conscious decision to relax a little and it's only fair I deal with the consequences accordingly. To add insult to injury my body clearly cannot cope with this increased intake of sugar and I spent most of my birthday feeling atrocious. Karma really is a bitch.
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If my antics over the last week have done anything they've pushed me firmly back on the straight and narrow: no more faffing, no more excuses, and definitely no more last ditch attempts to convince myself to have certain foods as if I'm waiting on Death Row. Silly, silly Emma.
(IMAGE SOURCED FROM www.instagram.com/happyhealthy.bbg)
It's also really hit me hard just how much I've changed over the last year. I'll go into it more next week, but it really struck me on my birthday how content I am with my life at the moment, how excited I am for the future and how grateful I am for everything to be falling into place as it is. 12 months ago I could never have envisaged me being so confident, open and positive, particularly as I felt so utterly hopeless, miserable and trapped by my weight. My 22nd birthday was so much fun (hello, Zoo Lates) and I spent it surrounded by my favourite people, but inside I was imploding. This year, it was virtually the opposite: I spent the day quietly celebrating with my parents but I feel completely different. It's amazing how much can change for the better in such a small space of time.
In other news I'm now on week 5 of the BBG and still going strong; 5:2-ing the best I can; and trying to come up with a plan of attack. Hopefully this time next week I'll have a clearer idea of where I'm heading and exactly what I want to do moving forward. I feel like I've been saying that for weeks, but as I head into Phase 2 I promise I'm actually going to do something about that now!
(GIF SOURCED FROM www.buzzfeed.com)
WEEK 51 LOSS: N/A
TOTAL LOSS: 75.5lbs // 5st 5.5lbs
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