One week I'll lose a lot and feel ecstatic and completely over the moon, and the next I'll lose very little and feel dejected and like I'm veering dangerously off-course. Looking back logically it all evens out, so I'm a lot less stressed than I thought I would be about this week's tiny loss.
I've lost half a pound. Yes, it's disappointing and it feels like I'm stagnating slightly - there's no getting away from that - but it's still a loss and that's a good thing.
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Confession time: I lapsed on Saturday in London. I've been craving salad for weeks so caved and bought a prawn layer salad from M&S on my way back to my hotel. Oops. I felt so guilty afterwards that I practically finished off a 2l bottle of water almost immediately and feared spontaneously sprouting gills for the rest of the evening. I can't imagine a salad from M&S significantly affecting my loss this week, and even if it has I really don't care. It's ridiculous to think of a time when I took lettuce and cucumber for granted, but existing on a limited selection of shakes, bars and pasta packs for the last 20 weeks is starting to take its toll just a little. It sounds silly, but chewing something with a different texture is pretty spectacular at this stage!
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My head's in a really good place. Thanks to a film-filled weekend in London I'm more motivated and focused than ever and was heading towards a really positive place even before my LighterLife meeting yesterday evening. I was extremely late due to sitting in gridlocked traffic for 40 minutes, so by the time I got there everyone else was leaving and I ended up having a one-on-one session with my counsellor for the best part of an hour. Sue really is amazing.
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I know that I'm finally at a stage where I feel I can start to plan things for the future. I've put off even thinking about indulging any of my wildest dreams or aspirations as my weight has always stopped me from wanting to pursue them. 4 stone lighter and 22 weeks down the line, I feel like I'm a completely different person to the one who finally took the plunge and started both a weight loss regime and a regular blog post announcing it to the world. I'm not yet where I'd ideally like to be, but this is the most confident and happy I've been with my body in quite literally years - probably ever - and as a result my weight is no longer something I can use as an excuse or allow to cloud all other judgement to avoid doing the things I've always dreamed of.
(IMAGE SOURCED FROM www.instagram.com/anndanger)
I still have a long way to go, but I just figured that I might as well enjoy this new-found confidence and see where it takes me. Who knows: I might accidentally take a step out of my comfort zone and find out the big, bad world isn't as terrifying as I've taught myself to believe it is.
Wouldn't that be marvellous?
WEEK 21 LOSS: 1/2lb
TOTAL LOSS: 57lbs // 4st 1lb
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