Since I found out the dates of my graduation I'd been planning meals out with my parents in London to celebrate, and as soon as I started LighterLife I knew I'd be having two evenings off from the programme while they visited. I spent weeks searching for the right restaurants, and even going so far as to picking what I'd have days in advance from menus online. I knew that the only way I could tackle a 'lapse' would be with significant planning ahead of time and being strict with myself on the day.
When it came down to it, the two days went by perfectly. I had the best time with my parents, all helped by the fact that I didn't panic about food once the whole time they were there. I stuck to the LighterLife plan all day until the evening meal, then attempted to eat a main course. I refused a dessert as I knew the sugar content in everything would completely disagree with me being so far into the programme, and I filled up so quickly it was ridiculously easy to say no. Existing on such a drop in calories every day has definitely shrunk my stomach, and to be honest I'm not even that fussed about conventional food right now. I'm full and content on the food packs at the moment, so it doesn't appeal to me to break out of the programme and lapse on normal food.
I'd have to call those few days a success, in the sense that the only food other than packs I ate was in a restaurant with my parents. So far, so good. However, I hardly drank any water - it was so hectic I just didn't have the chance - and I only managed a shake in the mornings until the evening meal. Existing on very little water all day and a single pack really wasn't the best idea, and I paid for it at the weigh in this week.
I only lost 1 lb.
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It's been insanely difficult not to be completely disheartened by this. But if I think about it logically, it was to be expected, not only because of the 2 days not following the programme 100%, but also because my body had dropped so much weight so quickly in the first fortnight, it must be getting used to that. I have no idea how the body works scientifically, but I'd assume that after two amazing weeks it's not going to keep dropping at that rate consistently and is probably pretty shocked. Once it's evened itself out, I hope the weight will continue to drop off.
In the past I'd dub this a terrible week and have to battle with myself constantly to try and convince myself to stay on track. Not this week. It might only be a pound, but it's still a pound in the right direction. I knew this week would be a challenge, and although the outcome on the scales was less than ideal I've still managed to come out the other side.
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Honestly, I almost considered not writing a post this week as I still have a little voice in the back of my head fighting to be heard and saying that this week's loss is a total failure. Why am I bothering - I'm obviously never going to succeed. To me, it's almost embarrassing to admit I've lost so little this week. However, I've been contributing a lot more in the group sessions at Moorgate, and we've been discussing these sorts of crooked thoughts recently. In a way, writing about these weeks and sharing how that makes me feel is significantly more important than the posts where I lose a lot and I'm incredibly happy. You have to take the rough with the smooth, and making a note of how I chose to handle the weeks where I don't want to carry on is more useful than anything.
I refuse to throw in the towel, and am going to come back next week with an even stronger resolve.
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It's also kind of ironic that today of all days - when I'm super motivated and have already drank 2 litres of water with my head well and truly in the game - that I received my first weight-related comments on a few Instagram pictures. As I'm sure I've mentioned before, I've never had anyone make a single comment about my weight to my face. I have no doubt that it's happened behind my back (let's face it, everyone likes to gossip) but I've never had to confront it head on. I knew it was only a matter of time, and it makes me laugh that it's happened now, when I'm directly tackling the problem that this gentleman was so kind to point out. Instead of letting those quite frankly offensive comments get to me, the user who cowered behind a screen to hurl abuse has been blocked and all comments deleted.
The fact that I'm being so uncharacteristically level-headed about this, and not letting a small loss and a few nasty comments pull me into a downward spiral of isolation and self-loathing says a lot about how far I've come recently. There's still a long way to go, but it seems like I now have both feet on the ladder; instead of standing a mile away, staring at it through binoculars and panicking about the right time to make a move. Surely that can only bode well for the future?
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WEEK 3 LOSS: 1lb
TOTAL LOSS: 15lbs // 1st 1lb
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