This week I lost 2.5lbs!
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(+0.5lbs)
It's been another good week. Yet again it's been pretty successful, with no lapsing at all (I'm still shocked at my unblemished record since I had a break), I'm drinking plenty of water, and also continuing to do all 3 exercise apps plus a Blogilates 30 Day Challenge every evening. Sadly there's nothing new to report on this front - I'm sticking to the plan exactly as I intended to and it's reflected on the scales. It's boring to write about, but true!
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Honestly though, I thought I'd crack this week. I had a major anxiety attack mid-week: the type where the world starts to implode and I spiral into a tunnel of negativity, drowning in my head and the thoughts I can normally keep at bay. In the past I've used food to get past it. Before LighterLife I'd binge to drag myself back to normality - to make myself feel something other than sadness - but that would always lead to a tsunami of guilt and self-loathing. In December and January I've not been able to binge because of LighterLife, but instead I'd lapse with something small, such as dry crackers or a salad, and then panic about the calorie content and not eat anything for the rest of the day. This was almost a worse scenario than the binging, as on top of everything else going on in my head there'd be the overwhelming feeling that I was a failure for not being able to stick to the programme properly. I hate that I have such an unhealthy relationship with food, but I think I'm starting to take baby steps to overcome it.
My attack this week didn't end in food and an even worse opinion of myself than I began with. Instead, I furiously cross-stitched to keep my hands occupied until I did my exercise and slept it off. Over the next few days I baked; I watched my favourite films; I painted my nails and I ended the day with an episode or two of Gossip Girl. Initially I had to force myself not to think about food as I knew I was in the sort of position that I could crack, particularly if I was alone, but after half a day I found that it wasn't even in my mind. Going to such lengths to distract myself ensured that I didn't solve my problems with food. I don't want to have anxiety attacks like this at all, but having one this week and navigating my way through it without using the self-destructive technique I always have has shown that I'm stronger than I thought, both mentally and physically (I did full push ups and a 70 second plank for the first time this week too - I had to shoe-horn that into the post somewhere...).
Henry VIII may not have his legs or his head, but he's looking pretty snazzy...
In amongst all of this, I tried on some of the clothes that I missed during my enormous clear out. As it happens, I had my measurements taken last night too, and I've lost an inch off my waist and hips in the last 3 weeks: no wonder more things are fitting me in my wardrobe! An important one for me was trying on a Gap mac that has languished in the middle of a pile of clothes for eBay for the last 4 years. When I've tried it on previously it's been embarrassingly tight. As in, think about the moment as Bruce Banner transforms into the Hulk - the milliseconds before his clothes all explode at the seams (mysteriously not his trousers though…). I looked like that. I couldn't move for fear of Hulking my way out of a perfectly good coat, which was a less than ideal situation to be faced with. Now, however, it's been moved back into my wardrobe as it fits like a glove. Result!
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Also, as I'm sure I've mentioned previously I've been treating myself to a little something every time I lose another stone. As I'm well and truly past 5st now, I decided it was time to pick a treat. I've needed a new alarm clock for ages, but given the occasion felt I could indulge my inner five year old and pick one shaped like my favourite superhero.
"Relax, everybody, I'm here."
I was going to have to try and find some way to avoid Pancake Day, but there's no need to worry anymore:
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WEEK 33 LOSS: 2.5lbs
TOTAL LOSS: 74.5lbs // 5st 4.5lbs
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