As much as I don't want to accept it, I think I needed the last few weeks to happen exactly as they did.
I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.
Ultimately, what resulted in an entire month of minimal weight loss, irrational frustration, and ridiculous levels of self-criticism might actually end up being a good thing for me. If I can get through times like that - the perfect opportunity for throwing in the towel - and can come out the other side still committed to the programme even if my resolve is a little shaken, then I should be fine in the long run.
It's shown I have an awful lot more willpower than I thought I did. Even with all the little wobbles along the way and my constant doubting of my ability to keep losing, I'm still here 16 weeks in. It could be very easy to have given in to the negative thoughts and stop attending LighterLife altogether, but I've very, very glad I persevered.
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This week I lost 3.5lbs!
(+ 1/2 lb)
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It's not a massive jump in terms of loss, but a couple of weeks like this and I'll be well on my way to 3 more stone by the New Year!
This week has been a turning point of sorts both physically in terms of loss, and mentally. I think I'm finally starting to recognise I've lost weight and my lifestyle has completely changed.
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I had a flying trip to London last week for a hospital appointment, and my doctor was full of praise for me having done exactly as she asked and actually lost weight. I don't believe her when she said she could see I looked slimmer - as if she actually remembered me from last time! - but the scales don't lie, and I felt pretty smug being able to say I'd lost 3 stone in the four months since my last appointment. For once a medical professional had something positive to say about my weight, which gave me a massive boost!
I've also had a breakthrough with my clothes. I'm starting to see in the mirror that I'm smaller. I've hated looking at my reflection for as long as I can remember, but given the fact that I've recently rediscovered my ribs and my jaw it seems as good a time as any to accept that I'm no longer huge. With the drop in the weather I've been intending to buy a new winter coat (my one from last winter is now 2 sizes too big) but I found one from 2 years ago hidden at the back of my wardrobe still in its dry cleaning packaging, untouched as it wouldn't even close last time I tried it on before having it cleaned. Now it buttons up comfortably with a jumper underneath. Winning!
Confession time. Despite these triumphs, I was a little naughty this week. I survived a couple of days baking without cracking, and had no problem watching the GBBO final surrounded by close friends and tins of cake. However while in London I popped to John Lewis, and in an effort to kill time before a cinema trip decided to have a sit down in the cafe. All plans of a bottle of water with a LighterLife bar went out of the window when I found a voucher for a free drink and cake in the bottom of my bag. I should have thrown it away - or given it to someone else in the queue - but instead I had a pot of tea and a scone. A few months ago I would have loved the scone as it was absolutely huge, but after having half of it I felt too full to properly function. Knowing that if I stayed and finished another chapter of my book I'd pick at it until I felt sick, I got up and left. For once, I don't even feel bad about leaving food and most of a pot of tea. Surely that's progress even though I broke the rules?!
So, it's been a good week this week. My head's in a good place, I'm finally acknowledging that I'm smaller and the scales dropped in the right direction. It sort of makes last week's post look a bit silly, but I suppose there'll always be ups and downs, and while I'm on a high I'm going to enjoy it.
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WEEK 15 LOSS: 3.5lbs
TOTAL LOSS: 48lbs // 3st 6lbs
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