Transformation Tuesday: Week 83

I think I've turned a corner, but I know it won't please everyone.

I had a minor wobble last week, and in a rare break at work I drove into town at lunch for a walk around and some fresh air to clear my head. I ended up coming back to work with a bag full of LighterLife products from Superdrug.

I've been fasting since Thursday and it feels as if a fog has been lifted from my head. This isn't a lifestyle choice by any stretch of the imagination, this isn't a step backwards and this isn't me being weak. I know my own head and I know how utterly miserable trying - and failing - to lose weight by eating less and moving more was making me. If I'd have carried on with that course of action, motivated purely by a blind faith that it simply must work in the end because absolutely everyone on the planet says it must, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I was heading back to square one, and that I would have broken a 12-month binge-free streak before half term. I'm not prepared to undo over a year of hard work because I'm pleasing everyone else once again.

(GIF SOURCED FROM www.buzzfeed.com)

This is 100% a temporary phase and I will not be fasting long term again. I'm using this as a way to clear my head, reset my body and give myself a break from feeling disgustingly guilty about food and my failure to be a healthy weight. I'm 5 days in, 7lbs down, no longer look pregnant with stress bloat and my head feels clear for the first time in months. I feel more motivated and determined than ever, and I'm convinced that this is exactly what I needed at this moment.

(IMAGE SOURCED FROM www.instagram.com/lemonstripes)

Everybody's different and keeping in mind everything I've tried, drastically cutting my calories seems to be the most effective and only way for me to actually lose weight. Obviously it slowed dramatically when I fell into doing it for much longer than was strictly healthy, but for a short period of time I don't see any problem with it now. Eating healthily and exercising works wonders for me maintaining my weight - and bodes extraordinarily well for the future - but it's not what I'm after at the moment. I can't keep maintaining, if only for the sake of my head.

I'm going to play it by ear, but right now I'm feeling pretty good indeed.

(GIF SOURCED FROM www.20somethingsproblems.tumblr.com)