First thing's first, I (miraculously) lost 2.5lbs this week.
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I'd resigned myself to maintaining again this week, particularly given that over the last few weeks despite my best efforts nothing really happened on the scales. I felt smaller last night, but didn't allow myself to even briefly consider the possibility of actually losing anything so as to avoid disappointment. Well there was no need to panic, as ever! I just don't understand why I lost last night and not for the last couple of weeks: I've done nothing differently! I've stuck to the packs, drank enough water and continued doing exercise each day as usual. Eugh, the body is such a pain at times.
In other news I've spent a significant portion of the week considering exactly what I'm going to do going forward. While I don't technically have a problem with the LighterLife packs - they still taste fine and having four a day isn't really an issue for me - I think I'm starting to reach the end of my tether with them. Persevering with the packs through weeks of little to no loss before Christmas wasn't too much of a hardship as I always knew that I still had large portions of weight to go, and that once I'd pushed past a plateau I'd continue to lose again. Luckily, that's exactly what happened, and as difficult as it was in the moment I'm glad I didn't give up. Each week I didn't lose simply meant another week on the programme at the end, and that was perfectly fine. I was willing to keep going as long as it took for me to reach a healthy weight, whether than was 6 weeks or 6 years. Now, however, my thoughts on the matter have changed.
It's taken a while to acknowledge and accept that altering my plans at this stage doesn't make me a failure. The time for change has come, and that is 100% okay.
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I am now over half a stone lighter than I've ever been. To put it into perspective, I now weigh less than I did in my first year of high school. That is ridiculous. I've also never been so light in accordance with my height and age. To be honest, I think my body's having a bit of an existential life crisis over it all and is responding by frantically holding onto every last pound of fat, shouting 'WOAH NELLY' and trying to sort itself out before proceeding. I can understand, but for the love of god, come on!
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It's because of this that I'm worried about continuing in such a blasé manner with LighterLife. If my body is clearly struggling to lose the very last chunk of weight despite being on a diet that should make that easier, I don't honestly think I'm strong enough to carry on with food packs. Yes, I've soldiered on in the past and physically proven that I'm capable of withstanding poor losses and not being deterred from my goals in the process, but I think enough's enough now. If I carry on like this - adding a week on when things don't go to plan and plodding along knowing with absolute certainty that I'll get there eventually - I'll still be on LighterLife by July and most likely not even close to where I need to be. I categorically cannot withstand another couple of months like this. I'm glad I didn't set myself strict goals on set amounts of weight to lose by certain dates, but at the same time having such an open-ended time frame isn't exactly working in my favour anymore.
Plus, if I'm being perfectly honest, I miss real food.
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I've been considering numerous options all week and have been going round and round in circles for days, but finally came to a decision yesterday afternoon. I'm going to start coming off LighterLife. I've dropped to the Lite programme this week (3 packs and a meal) and plan on safely weaning myself back onto conventional food and upping my calorie intake sooner rather than later.
After my break I said I'd do another 12 weeks and then reassess, and as it stands I have 3 left to go. As far as I'm concerned though, persevering for those weeks and not losing anything would be a total waste of time. My main battle has been convincing myself that coming off the programme now when I haven't even finished the 12 weeks (let alone reached a healthy weight as I first intended) doesn't make me a failure by any stretch of the imagination, I'm just being practical and doing what's best for me. Over the next 3 weeks I'm going to hopefully come off the packs entirely and be back on conventional food, and I have my fingers crossed that by shaking up my diet I'll kickstart the weight loss.
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Back in July when I started these posts I couldn't even begin to fathom weight loss not on LighterLife. It was the programme I'd done before and achieved success on, and I genuinely didn't believe I could succeed with anything else. Healthy eating and exercise were such overwhelming concepts that I couldn't bear to ever consider them, but 39 weeks of LighterLife has totally changed my mindset. While the weight loss on the plan has been lovely, in the grand scheme of things I couldn't care less about the 80lb loss in comparison to the changes in my head. I'm a totally different person, and now the idea of a healthy lifestyle doesn't even remotely scare me - it seems like the next logical step. I've shown that my body can handle exercise despite my fears to the contrary, and in the weeks I've had off plan I've enjoyed - and often chosen over anything else - healthy food.
However, I don't just want to transition to pure healthy eating: I think I still need some sort of structured plan to keep me on track as I continue to lose. I'm not coming off this to maintain: I still have a while to go weight-wise before that's possible. I'm currently doing an insane amount of reading on the subject, but I'm very much open to advice!
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I'm also looking to increase my exercise as I increase my calories. At the moment I just don't have the energy to push myself as I want to which is beyond annoying, but I'm looking forward to being able to do more. Again, I'd like to try some form of plan/challenge at home to try and keep me on the straight and narrow. I've heard good things about Blogilates and the Kayla Itsines BBG - can anyone recommend them/others?
So, basically, I'm now in transition. It'll take a couple of weeks, but during this time I'm going to be formulating a proper, structured plan for the next phase. I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm not failing by doing this, and I haven't let anyone down by not following LighterLife to the bitter end. Sometimes change is good: fingers crossed this is one of those times!
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WEEK 39 LOSS: 2.5lbs
TOTAL LOSS: 80.5lbs // 5st 10.5lbs
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