I thought about it a lot over the last week and made the decision to go back on LighterLife. I want to give it a final shot, and finish what I started. Unlike when I was making the initial decision to start the programme in June, this time I've set myself a deadline: I'm giving myself 12 weeks, and no more. I refuse to set myself a goal for weight loss during that period as that's just asking for trouble, but as long as I stick to it I should weigh less than I do right now and that's a good thing! I'm really hoping I won't need all 12 weeks - so if I come off the plan earlier then that's wonderful - but if I still have weight to lose when the 12 weeks are up (i.e. if my weight loss slows down and plateaus like it has done in the past thus significantly elongating the process beyond what I thought) then I won't be doing it on LighterLife. By that stage I think enough will be enough with the food packs, and it'll be time to admit I need a new plan of attack. Make no mistake: this plan definitely isn't set in stone, and as ever I'll be playing it by ear as the weeks go by, but at the moment I'm going to go ahead and progress with this timeframe and plan in mind.
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I'd almost forgotten how much I like having an organised plan in place.
As such, I went back to LighterLife Crewe last night, bought more packs, caught up with my lovely counsellor and stayed for the session. I'm now fully stocked up for the week and more focused than ever. Taking the fortnight off was such a good decision for me as I think I'd begun to really resent both the programme and having to still lose weight. My head is now back in the right place. Just before the weekend I started to feel excited to get back on plan and to refocus. The thought of eating the packs again didn't seem so hideous, and once again I could see the bigger picture instead of just focussing on the problems and struggles immediately in front of me. I've stopped drowning in the negatives and found every silver lining possible. It's tough, yes, but giving myself the time to step back and reassess has reminded me that I'm come so, so far and it'll be worth it in the end. If anything, comparing where I am now to where I was at the start, I think it's already been worth it.
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Last night's weigh in reported a 5.5lb gain over the fortnight which honestly I expected. There was always going to be 3-5lb of glycogen and water, and given the fact that I didn't calorie count or restrict what I ate all week I knew there'd be a pound or two on top of that of actual weight gain. I've loved having healthy meals, but at the same time I've been testing myself with snacking. The whole point of the fortnight wasn't to try and lose weight or calorie count but to just have a break from thinking about or actively not thinking about food. As such if I wanted to eat something I did, and at no point did I feel guilty or beat myself up about it. If I'd been trying to lose weight then I definitely wouldn't have had a biscuit with a cup of tea each morning, and I would have forgone a measured portion of prawn crackers with a stir fry. Instead I saw them as a treat, and tested myself by measuring these things out or telling myself to just have one. In the past I would never have had the self-control to stop. This week though, if I measured something out I had no more than the amount I decided; if I had one biscuit I didn't reopen the packet and have another; and at meal times I didn't go back for more once I'd finished. At no point did I feel deprived; like I wanted to binge; or feel full to the point of feeling ill. I enjoyed what I had and didn't push my limits too far.
That's why I'd say that despite the gain it was a ridiculously successful week. I've discovered self-control I didn't know I had, and as far as I'm concerned that bodes very well for the future and when I'm maintaining my weight. For me, I think I need to take baby steps. Yes this fortnight resulted in a gain, but the fact that I didn't overeat at any point must be a good thing. I've started to test my limits with conventional food, and hopefully next time I can put into practise what I've learnt now and come out the other side with either less of a gain or none at all. I can't expect to be perfect at eating healthily and accepting portion control from the onset as I'm having to retrain my brain and adapt to a whole new lifestyle. I'm going to slip up - that's natural - but as long as I learn each time and keep trying then I really don't see a problem. I know I'll get there eventually.
Getting back into the packs hasn't been as hard as I expected (although I'm saying that half a day in…). I think I'm spurred on by the gain and I have such a strong resolve and focus that I'm determined not to fall off the wagon this week. To help this time around, I bought a Daily Greatness journal after spotting it on one of my favourite blogs, and spent a lot of time last week filling it in and planning out fitness goals for the next month. As I've shown with these weekly posts I can stick to a plan, so I'm hoping that if I get in the habit of filling in the journal each day I'll stick to a fitness plan, drink more water (it constantly reminds you to!) and try to master the art of meditation. I love it so I'm hoping it works! (I have a discount code to get 5% off one of the journals, so if you want to buy one too, then click here and hopefully you'll be able to save some money! If that doesn't work then send me an email and I'll forward you all the information.)
I've also either rediscovered or taken up hobbies that use both of my hands and a lot of concentration - hence I'll have less time to think about food or crack and stuff it in my face… I'm now reading a lot more, working my way through a Pixar colouring book, and I've started cross-stitch. It might be quite sad, but if it keeps me on track then I'm not complaining!
Here's to the next 12 weeks...
WEEK 30 LOSS: +5.5lbs
TOTAL LOSS: 61lbs // 4st 5lbs
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