Transformation Tuesday: Week 125

Okay folks, let's talk about the hell that is loose skin, and the operation I'm having in 6 days to fix it.

The one thing I haven't really discussed on here in great detail aside from the odd passing comment is loose skin.

I've been hyper-aware of the possibility of having loose skin after loosing weight since I started doing this 125 weeks ago, but from the onset every single person I casually mentioned it to said I shouldn't worry, and that because I was young my skin would 'bounce back'. My age and a blind faith in me as a human being (you're all wonderful and I love you immensely for it but that's not how it works) led to the consensus from others that I wouldn't have any issues with skin. There was no way that I'd end up looking like the contestants at the end of shows like the Biggest Loser or the people who share their stories of sagging skin in 20p lifestyle magazines that cover stories of skin surgery alongside someone who married a tree and gleeful articles rating ugly celebrity children. However, personally I knew it would always be a challenge I'd eventually have to face. A lifetime of obesity and dreadful skin meant that the odds were stacked overwhelmingly against me from the start, and it's been of no surprise to me that the more weight I lost the more visibly stretched my skin became.

The best way to describe the way I look would be to say I resemble a cross between a melted candle and a deflated balloon. Nice.

Even though I always suspected it would happen, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Not only is it a massive pain, but quite frankly it's completely demoralising. I could continue to lose weight for the next 12 months or 12 years and you'd never be able to tell I was any smaller as the skin eclipses literally everything. It's impossible to tell if I've put on a few pounds until it's too late as my skin just inflates little by little and I hate it. It affects everything from my appearance to my mental health to my ability to function normally and enough is enough.

(GIF SOURCED FROM www.all-fades-away.tumblr.com)

I've been toying with an operation for a while - and even booked it for this time last year - but one thing has led to another and after having to cancel a couple of times it took a few months of calendar juggling and soul searching this summer before I bit the bullet, contacted my surgeon again and rebooked it for the last time. I'm not prepared to go into another year still covered in handfuls of skin and stagnating. I'm ready to move forwards, and as such I've put everything else on hold - work, plans, studying, travelling, everything - to temporarily prioritise my health.

This isn't going to fix everything overnight. I'm not miraculously going to gain endless confidence and self-esteem after an extended abdominoplasty and breast lift. It's going to take months of hard work after this and I'm well aware that I'm going to be uncomfortable, in pain and struggling for the next few months, but I wholeheartedly believe wth every fibre of my being that it's going to be worth it. I'm super pathetic when it comes to certain types of pain (I can endure periods that regularly leave me sick, faint and doubled-over in agony but I get a blister or a paper cut and immediately think I'm dying) so I've overestimated my recovery time to accommodate this. Hopefully I'll be up and running much sooner than I've anticipated but I'm not putting any pressure on myself at all.

(IMAGE SOURCED FROM www.instagram.com/ashliesugarrushed)

Obviously I'll be having the operation at my local Spire hospital as I am completely ineligible for NHS treatment, and although it's going to take a significant chunk out of my savings being an obsessive saver for years is finally paying off. Thankfully, the thought of paying so much money for cosmetic surgery isn't half as stressful as it could have been.

This week I'm getting everything ready for Monday. I (stupidly in hindsight) thought that a week would be more than enough time to prep for surgery, but I've somehow squeezed in a trip to London, a couple of cinema trips and a thousand errands, and as such my stress levels are rising rapidly! I've read so much about the operation, but aside from a chest infection as a child I've never had anything majorly wrong with me so I feel like I'm going in blind. There's reading about what to expect and actually experiencing it, and while I know that logically everything will be fine - the hospital is lovely, my surgeon is amazing and I know that people endure so much worse than this and survive on a daily basis - but past family experiences with operations dictate otherwise and it's safe to say I'm extremely nervous and more than a little terrified.

(GIF SOURCED FROM www.heckyeahreactiongifs.tumblr.com)

As a result I'm trying extremely hard to focus on some of the positives:

- Without the saggy skin I'll have to no longer wear Marks & Spencer's finest shape-wear all the time.
- When I do a plank my skin won't droop and touch the floor.
- Lying down, I won't look a half-melted snowman.
- Exercise will no longer require two high intensity sports bras and spanx to hold everything in place before I've even started.
- My belly-button will no longer be in line with my hip bones.
- I'll be able to do squats without literally holding handfuls of skin out of the way.
- Cardio will no longer be largely off limits! Hello, HIIT workouts and actual jogging without it feeling like my skin is going to rip at the seams from the pressure.
- I'm recovering over Christmas and thus have a legitimate reason not to leave the house properly for a month and watch Elf on repeat. YES.

(GIF SOURCED FROM www.buzzfeed.com)

I'm going to be in hospital for a couple of days, so for the first time in 125 Tuesdays I won't be posting next week. Hopefully I'll be able to write something the following week instead, but I'm not even going to contemplating getting my laptop out next Tuesday!

So, this is where I'm at. I did promise I had plans up my sleeve! Bring on the next chapter of recovery and toning through proper exercise. It's been a long time coming, but I'm finally feeling brave enough to take a leap of faith and do something life-changing.

See you on the other side,
E x