For now, I've put the 90 Day SSS on the back burner. It's clearly not working for me right now, and surely my constant need to avoid starting Cycle 2 is enough of a sign that I should just give it up as a bad job for now and find something else. I'll probably write more about this decision - and my real thoughts on the programme - in a few weeks time, but for now I'm just really, really happy to see the back of it. Failing with that has made me feel horrendous for weeks - and taken my head to a really terrible place again - so I think for the sake of my sanity it's best to walk away. While I agree with the principles of the programme it's just not for me, and although the physical side of it might be good for my body I felt it was ruining all of the hard work I'd put in with LighterLife with my head. I've been slowly unravelling for the last few weeks and I reached breaking point at the weekend. I don't want to be the person I was a year ago ever again, and my thoughts were beginning to merrily skip off down a dangerous, self-destructive path.
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I feel like I've turned a corner and a fog has lifted: having actually made a decision I'm now in a position to move forwards and start progressing positively towards something amazing.
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A hideous bout of illness has derailed me since the weekend, but once I'm feeling better I plan on starting the Kayla Itsines BBG again. I actually really enjoyed it when I did it over the summer, so want to try it out once more. Most importantly, I haven't exercise properly for weeks and I'm feeling the effects of it now: not really physically but mentally. My head's clearer and I'm more focused when I exercise so hopefully getting back into a routine will be helpful. In the meantime, I'm going to watch what I eat, and even though I won't be sticking to a certain plan I hope that it'll keep me grounded while I work one out.
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All in all, even though I don't have much to report I feel like I've steered myself back in the right direction. Plus, I have lots of appointments now booked over the coming month that should give me the final nudge to really push this transformation up a notch. If I combine this productivity with endless levels of inspiration - I'm having a superhero/space moment with films that is making me want to seriously up my game on the diet/exercise front - then I should be on to a winner. As far as I'm concerned, that's only an exciting and positive prospect!
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