This week I maintained. Again. Eugh.
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On the one hand, this is more than a little frustrating. Since I started this in July the scales have been the main indication that I'm heading in the right direction. Yes I can tell with my clothes - non-scale victories have always been just as thrilling over the months - but I think despite my best intentions I'll always be the type of person that on some level likes having concrete proof on paper. Maintaining the same weight again is just plain annoying, particularly when I still have weight to lose.
However, I feel great. I did a ridiculous amount of exercise - well, for me: let's not pretend like I'm suddenly a super fit gym bunny... to be honest it's probably just the same amount as a normal person. As a result I've come to the conclusion that I'm not overly bothered about the lack of a loss on the scales. I've really felt the effects of 500 squats in an evening or 40 push-ups, and although they might have killed me at the time and forced me to discover muscles I didn't know existed, by Sunday evening I was finding certain yoga moves a million times easier and that I can do a lot more in a session without begging for mercy and wanting to die. In my opinion, that's just as important - if not more - than watching an arbitrary number decrease.
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I really struggle with changing plans. If I've set my mind to something and mapped out a course of action, deviating from it often leads to a severe anxiety attack and a tsunami of negativity. More often than not I see it as an admission of my continuing failure at life, not that I'm sensibly reassessing the situation and adapting accordingly. Obviously there are times when following something through right to the end is the best - and only - thing to do. Thankfully, though, I'm slowly learning that pushing myself to continue with something that makes me even slightly unhappy isn't necessarily the best option. In times like this, I need to take a moment and evaluate.
Weight loss is starting to shape up in this manner. I said from the beginning that I'd do LighterLife for however long it took until I was done (i.e. a healthy weight). Now, though, I'm thinking that I need to consider the next step - a VLCD of this type isn't a long term solution by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm fearing that it's turning into that with an increasing amount of weeks where I maintain. I definitely don't want that to happen - this is a short term diet NOT a lifestyle change. I may not be where I intended to be when I move on but that's not a bad thing. Over the next few weeks I'm going to be looking into what I'll be doing next - I still have a long way to go to ultimately reach my end goal (if there is such a thing) but maybe getting there on LighterLife isn't the best option out there for me. I can't keep adding weeks on now when I've been doing this for 38 weeks. Plus, I want to up my exercise even more to make a more concerted effort to tone up and I just don't have the energy to push myself as much as I'd like to.
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I know I said I'd keep going with the current plan of attack to a certain point, but I'm not sure if that's realistic anymore. I feel like a totally different person from the one I was in July when I came up with the initial plan, so surely it's best for me to reassess. My goals have changed - simply put, I want to be fit not thin - and so the route to get there surely has to change too?
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Everything's a little up in the air at the moment. While I work out exactly which direction to go in I'm still going to follow LighterLife as best I can, but it's safe to say that I'm pretty sure I'll be transitioning to something different in the next month or so. I need to talk to my LighterLife counsellor about it all and do my own research, but expect changes. It's all still part of a wider transformation though, so these posts will 100% continue!
In the mean time, in the words of the supreme goddess Meryl Streep:
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WEEK 38 LOSS: N/A
TOTAL LOSS: 78lbs // 5st 8lbs
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