As I furiously typed an unpunctuated - and upon reflection - rather incoherent couple of paragraphs, I gave in to that annoying thought that always rests at the back of my mind that this just isn't worth it.
Plateauing is a million times worse than a tiny loss, particularly when everything's going to plan and you've jumped through all the hoops you were supposed to.
With the benefit of hindsight I should have waited till the evening and after my weigh in before evaluating the week and starting the process of harsh self-criticism, as the scales this week rendered the majority of the post I'd written in haste obsolete.
Thank god I didn't click the 'publish' button and slept on it.
This week I lost 2.5lbs.
(+ 1/2 lb)
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Either my scales at home lied - they said I'd not lost anything over the week - or I suddenly dropped 2.5lbs in a matter of hours.
I no longer trust my home scales.
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It's really not been a great month weight loss-wise (aside from that freak 6lb loss), and although I've been chipping away at it slowly I've spent the majority of the month irrationally disappointed with myself. The main reason I picked LighterLife - other than for the weekly sessions - was because the weight loss is fast yet healthy. I'm the type of person that needs good losses every week to spur me on to the next week without throwing myself off the wagon and into a packet of biscuits in frustration. I wish I had more will power, but I have an all-or-nothing mindset with this sort of thing that LighterLife is perfect for. I have no problem sticking to an extreme programme like this, but ask me to follow something like Slimming World or Weight Watchers and I'll give up within a fortnight of starting.
That's why I've been so frustrated - going to so much effort with this and restricting myself to food packs makes small losses, gains or plateaus even more upsetting than they should be. When you've done everything required and it doesn't yield the "appropriate" results it just don't seem worth it (even though it is).
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It is worth it. I know that. You all keep rushing to tell me how well it's going (which is really, really appreciated).
I'm so glad this week was a good - but not fantastic - loss. It means I'm coming through the other side of a mini-plateau and hopefully from now on I'll start losing higher amounts again. I know this isn't the right mindset. I should be (and I am, deep down) happy with any loss as it's yet another step, shuffle or leap in the right direction, but it can get me down. This week I just couldn't stop thinking about that dreaded gain and last week's measly pound off and genuinely considered finding a different programme. It's a dangerous path to go down, but once I started to feel negative there seemed no stopping my brain from wandering off and embracing it.
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As my counsellor Sue said to me last night it's weeks like this that are the most difficult, and where you just need to push through, have faith and look at the bigger picture. Plateaus and off-weeks will always happen but as long as overall the scales keep going down, looking back in a couple of weeks I'll definitely wonder what all the fuss was about.
Sorry it's not been a very positive week - and by extension a pretty dreary post - but I'm hoping this is the start of a better couple of weeks. I never said this was going to be easy, and I never expected to be deliriously happy about it all the time, but these sort of weeks are never fun no matter how much you mentally prepare yourself for them.
Onwards and upwards (downwards?)
WEEK 14 LOSS: 2.5lbs
TOTAL LOSS: 44.5lbs // 3st 2.5lbs
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